Forgiving the Unforgivable
And let's be real - I feel like I have some semblance of control of the situation when I hold onto my anger/apathy/whatever ugly feelings about the injustices done to me. The tighter my grip on my feelings, the more I hold to the illusion of wholeness in my life.
Here's the truth of it - notice I said the "illusion" of wholeness - because that's all it is. An illusion. When someone damages me, leaving gaping shards deep in my soul, my response is often to patch it together with duct tape of anger and pain. It's only natural, right? But the problem with tape is that it doesn't last forever - it doesn't actually repair, just holds together temporarily. Sooner or later the damage will overtake my patch-up job, leaving me worse off than I was before.
I think that when we talk about relinquishing the anger and pain from injustices done in our lives, it can feel like we're giving power back over to those who have wronged us. The exact opposite happens with forgiveness though. It's such a tricky thing to think about - but forgiveness doesn't mean allowing a toxic person or circumstance to have access to you again, but rather that you're releasing the control it has over your own heart, and that you refuse to hold your pain and anger over someone else any longer.
It is the most freeing thing in the world, and only once you choose to walk down the path of forgiveness does your jagged, broken edges begin to heal. And who doesn't want healing and wholeness in their lives?!
Yes, some people don't DESERVE forgiveness. But then again, neither do we, and Jesus forgave us for every moment of weakness and brokenness that marred our souls and made us unfit for heaven.
"Jesus was more brokenhearted, scarred and betrayed than anyone in history. Yet, He did not shut Himself off from us; Instead, He calls us unto Him. If you cannot trust anyone right now, please trust Him. His scars are proof that you are loved more than you know. He will guide you through this pain, He will sit with you when you are weak, and He will carry you until you can walk again. Christ wants to see you run again, He wants to see you live in His glory. You just have to take His hand and walk; it will take all of you, but you will get all of Him. He is worth it.”
— T.B. LaBerge
It's a whole lot to take in and process, I know. So here's your homework for this week - start a list of hurts and areas you've been wronged and simply don't feel are forgivable in your life. Pray over them. Ask Jesus to help you loosen your grip on the pain and broken pieces, so that you can forgive and find wholeness.
Being in recovery and having Jesus in my heart, it's so much easier to let go of the hurt. I love this blog. Even on my darkest days I know just to say "I need you Jesus" and the heaviness goes away.
My awakening re forgiveness was in a large group saying the Lords prayer aloud. 'And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us'. I prayed for God to help me to be wiling to be willing to forgive and let go of the anger. I no longer needed anger to protect me. The Lord is my protector.